"Fathers do not provoke your children, that they do not loose heart."1
Paul writes that fathers are not to provoke their children to wrath, nor is authority to be threatening. This verse I believe also speaks of new covenant authority. The prophet Malachi spoke of the people becoming discouraged because the authority were not good examples, they had become emboldened to continue in their sin and the people cried out, what does it pay to serve God? And after Malachi spoke such, there was four hundred years of silence. Then we see the abuse of authority in the new testament, such authority condemned the Son of God. In a day and age were it is increasingly difficult to discern truth, it helps to be in godly relationships, and the truth of scripture can guide us into these. The golden rule, the law of Christ, etc... these principles guide us into relationships that are mutually beneficial, ones established in trust.
There is nothing more disappointing than being around Christians who do not have faith in you. I have found these are one sided relationships, they take and do not give anything in return. And if they do there is some agenda to the relationship, it is not a true one. Such is discouraging in the church as one would expect something different, maybe this is just a failure of large churches. Christianity is defined as those being like Christ, such implies a relationship with Christ and with others. Christianity is not to be one sided relationships, but a family of the faithful in relationship with each other and with the author of faith, Christ. Most would agree being in a one sided relationship is not a good thing but what does a good relationship look like?
Relationships are established in trust. Trust in God with all your heart, the Bible says, and he will establish you in all your ways. I must trust God before I can be established, trust comes before obedience. This is true in our relationship with others, even with authority. I must trust authority to be truly obedient to it. If I believe they do not have my best interests at heart I will not trust. In a family if a child or teenager is running toward trouble, then the relationship has already failed. A child will run toward a dangerous thing because they believe life is elsewhere. In my experience this is because there is no true relationship of trust and grace but one based upon rules and regulations. I believe this is what Paul says when he writes of sin taking opportunity to abound under the Law. Or there is just no relationship at all, the absent father is an issue for many children. Without grace, unconditional love the relationship is established on performance.
"Indeed, sin you will not have dominion over under law, but under grace."6
If I do not trust authority I will not truly obey it. In the military I learned that one can obey the bars on my shoulder and not trust me. Trust is something that is earned. Being abandoned as a teenager by your earthly father, is not a good example of trust. Our new birth is often expressed as adoption into a family of God. Would a father demand obedience without building trust first in an orphan? An orphaned child will not trust authority so easily, he will run from threatening authority. There are times when my heavenly Father disciplines me, that I know I could not have taken as a child, until I had learned to trust him first. To honor many earthly fathers, there is a generation of men who as children had no good earthly example of fatherhood. And if I expect obedience from them through punishment and threats, then I have failed, I have lost a generation.
There is a misunderstanding in the Church between new covenant authority and old covenant authority. New covenant authority is as Jesus said, fear God above man, do not fear the one who can destroy the body but the soul.3 It is as Peter writes, it is leadership by examples of humility, not lording over others, willingly as obedient servants of Christ.4 Paul writes it doesn't produce wrath in children and it is not threatening.5 By such examples of submission to Christ, others will see Christ in us by example and will learn to trust. One will not gain trust by demanding submission to authority. Why? because it is through Grace that this idea that sin abounds through rules and regulations is countered, grace takes the power of fear and punishment away, it casts it out through perfect love. Such produces true obedience.
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God."6
Relationships are established in Grace. Trust is being established in us by God by Grace. Without Grace I would be judged by the standards of God's righteousness and be found missing the mark. A one-sided relationship is one where acceptance is conditional, established on performance, based on rules, if you do this, or that, I will accept you. The new covenant is established on the blood of Jesus, making one righteous by Grace through faith in Him. Because of the works of Christ, not my own, I can come boldly before the throne of Grace. The parable of the sower explains that those who overcome are those with deep roots.
"so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,"7
Healthy relationships are not one sided. A family member who is always taking but never giving back, such a relationship is not healthy. An organization that is always taking but never giving back, such is a one sided relationship and is not healthy. Jesus gave much for us, we love Him because He first loved us. It is a two-sided relationship. We can be told a relationship is a sacrifice for the greater good, but a one-sided relationship doesn't care about you nor do they treat you well, they break the Law of Christ.
Without respect and dialog between two sides trust can never be established. Christ like relationships are established in trust. I can be in authority but respect and trust must be developed and earned. Authority which demands obedience without earning trust is a one sided relationship and is not Christ like.
Paul writes that fathers are not to provoke their children to wrath, nor is authority to be threatening. This verse I believe also speaks of new covenant authority. The prophet Malachi spoke of the people becoming discouraged because the authority were not good examples, they had become emboldened to continue in their sin and the people cried out, what does it pay to serve God? And after Malachi spoke such, there was four hundred years of silence. Then we see the abuse of authority in the new testament, such authority condemned the Son of God. In a day and age were it is increasingly difficult to discern truth, it helps to be in godly relationships, and the truth of scripture can guide us into these. The golden rule, the law of Christ, etc... these principles guide us into relationships that are mutually beneficial, ones established in trust.
There is nothing more disappointing than being around Christians who do not have faith in you. I have found these are one sided relationships, they take and do not give anything in return. And if they do there is some agenda to the relationship, it is not a true one. Such is discouraging in the church as one would expect something different, maybe this is just a failure of large churches. Christianity is defined as those being like Christ, such implies a relationship with Christ and with others. Christianity is not to be one sided relationships, but a family of the faithful in relationship with each other and with the author of faith, Christ. Most would agree being in a one sided relationship is not a good thing but what does a good relationship look like?
Relationships are established in trust. Trust in God with all your heart, the Bible says, and he will establish you in all your ways. I must trust God before I can be established, trust comes before obedience. This is true in our relationship with others, even with authority. I must trust authority to be truly obedient to it. If I believe they do not have my best interests at heart I will not trust. In a family if a child or teenager is running toward trouble, then the relationship has already failed. A child will run toward a dangerous thing because they believe life is elsewhere. In my experience this is because there is no true relationship of trust and grace but one based upon rules and regulations. I believe this is what Paul says when he writes of sin taking opportunity to abound under the Law. Or there is just no relationship at all, the absent father is an issue for many children. Without grace, unconditional love the relationship is established on performance.
"Indeed, sin you will not have dominion over under law, but under grace."6
If I do not trust authority I will not truly obey it. In the military I learned that one can obey the bars on my shoulder and not trust me. Trust is something that is earned. Being abandoned as a teenager by your earthly father, is not a good example of trust. Our new birth is often expressed as adoption into a family of God. Would a father demand obedience without building trust first in an orphan? An orphaned child will not trust authority so easily, he will run from threatening authority. There are times when my heavenly Father disciplines me, that I know I could not have taken as a child, until I had learned to trust him first. To honor many earthly fathers, there is a generation of men who as children had no good earthly example of fatherhood. And if I expect obedience from them through punishment and threats, then I have failed, I have lost a generation.
There is a misunderstanding in the Church between new covenant authority and old covenant authority. New covenant authority is as Jesus said, fear God above man, do not fear the one who can destroy the body but the soul.3 It is as Peter writes, it is leadership by examples of humility, not lording over others, willingly as obedient servants of Christ.4 Paul writes it doesn't produce wrath in children and it is not threatening.5 By such examples of submission to Christ, others will see Christ in us by example and will learn to trust. One will not gain trust by demanding submission to authority. Why? because it is through Grace that this idea that sin abounds through rules and regulations is countered, grace takes the power of fear and punishment away, it casts it out through perfect love. Such produces true obedience.
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God."6
Relationships are established in Grace. Trust is being established in us by God by Grace. Without Grace I would be judged by the standards of God's righteousness and be found missing the mark. A one-sided relationship is one where acceptance is conditional, established on performance, based on rules, if you do this, or that, I will accept you. The new covenant is established on the blood of Jesus, making one righteous by Grace through faith in Him. Because of the works of Christ, not my own, I can come boldly before the throne of Grace. The parable of the sower explains that those who overcome are those with deep roots.
"so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,"7
Healthy relationships are not one sided. A family member who is always taking but never giving back, such a relationship is not healthy. An organization that is always taking but never giving back, such is a one sided relationship and is not healthy. Jesus gave much for us, we love Him because He first loved us. It is a two-sided relationship. We can be told a relationship is a sacrifice for the greater good, but a one-sided relationship doesn't care about you nor do they treat you well, they break the Law of Christ.
Without respect and dialog between two sides trust can never be established. Christ like relationships are established in trust. I can be in authority but respect and trust must be developed and earned. Authority which demands obedience without earning trust is a one sided relationship and is not Christ like.